Family is happiness for everyone. But at the same time, family relationships are not always ideal.
How to make them better and more diverse? What actions should be taken? In the article you will find useful tips on this topic.
Take care of your appearance
One of the best tips for a successful marriage and a strong relationship is to take care of yourself. Everyone knows that appearance is not the main thing. However, attractiveness plays an important role in why couples converge initially.
Do not try to change each other
Trying to change your partner is a futile and unpleasant task, so why take it? Instead of trying every day to make her stop gossiping or putting dirty socks in the washing machine, why not focus on the good in your partner?
Maintain regular physical intimacy
Physical connection is not the core of a good relationship, but it has many advantages, which is why it was on this list. When you are physically close to someone you love, the hormone of happiness oxytocin is produced in your body.
Have a new hobby together
Couples will have many benefits if they share a common hobby. This is a great way to contribute to a happy marriage, which at the same time is interesting and exciting. When couples choose a new hobby, they stimulate their brain.
What or who interferes with family happiness?
Such questions are of interest not only to couples, but also to researchers, psychologists. According to the latter, not only the life, work or postpartum depression of women, but also those around them, often close and dear ones, interfere with family happiness. So, we consider the main factors that can affect the family happiness of couples.
Life, work, children
Permanent employment, routine, monotony can destroy even the strongest relationships. Moreover, it destructively affects both men and women. So, the head of the family disappears for days at work in order to provide his family with everything necessary. Sooner or later, such workload is exhausting psychologically. Hence disruptions, bad mood, unwillingness to do anything, apathy, depression due to constant stress. Imagine the situation if the husband comes home after a hard day's work, and his wife begins to “saw”, saying that he returned late, did not take out the trash, did not fix the crane, etc. It is worth remembering that for men, a house is a fortress where it should feel necessary, loved. After all, men are like children: they also need attention and love, understanding and care. Without this, a happy relationship cannot be built.
As for women, the picture here does not look simpler: everything is held on their fragile shoulders - the house, children, and sometimes the material well-being of the family. It is generally accepted that women are stronger than men psychologically. However, they eventually run out of "batteries", and then this crazy hurricane is very difficult to stop. Imagine for a moment: a woman is torn daily between screaming children requiring attention, food, drink, games, etc., washing, ironing, cleaning, cooking and other “female” duties. By evening, when there was no strength left at all, she had one desire - to rest calmly, to sleep. But a gloomy tired husband comes home and begins to criticize: either the soup was not so salted, the shirt was not ironed, or the toys were not assembled. And many even reproach that the spouse sits at home for days and does nothing. Has anyone ever wondered where the cooked lunch or dinner came from on the stove? Who irones and folds linen on the shelves of the cabinet? Why does the dirty dishes not support the gander of the crane, but are beautifully placed in their places? And how many times a day do you need to go with a vacuum cleaner, cleaning up the consequences of the kids games? But all this takes a lot of time and effort, and not so much physical as moral.
From all that has been said, the only conclusion follows: both spouses get tired equally (of course, provided that everyone is fully occupied with their duties). Therefore, blaming someone for doing nothing is stupid. Show understanding, try to help each other, take an interest in the affairs of your soul mate. Be careful and perhaps less demanding, because sometimes we wish from our beloved (beloved) difficult or impossible at all, which leads to conflict situations, insults. Have more rest together: take a walk with the whole family, have fun, be alone, sending children to grandparents, arrange romantic evenings, make small surprises. This is not difficult at all, but such actions will help preserve family relationships at that romantic stage, which they were before marriage or immediately after it. It is equally important to believe and trust your partner. Respect him / her. It is these feelings that are the foundation of a happy marriage.
You can talk about the relationship of spouses with their parents forever. One of them is lucky, the other is not very. What does “lucky” mean or not? In the first case, mother-in-law and mother-in-law (respectively, father-in-law and mother-in-law) do not climb into the relations of the newlyweds - and this is the correct position in the opinion of many couples. Yes, they can sometimes give practical advice, and young people will certainly take it into account. But this happens infrequently and, most importantly, unobtrusively.
In the second case, “no luck” - this is total control by parents of the young. Not a single step of the spouses goes unnoticed. All actions related to everyday life, raising children, preparing food and even relations between young people are carefully monitored and adjusted in their own way by their mother-in-law and mother-in-law (as a rule, fathers do not participate in such intrigues). What happens in a young family? Complete discord, scandals, tears, divorce. None of the spouses withstand such an onslaught. When the family collapses through the fault of the parents, the young people are convinced that they simply did not fit each other, although in fact it was the parents who made the efforts to break up the once happy family.
Is it possible to get rid of total parental control? You can, but you need to show firmness of character, be patient. Try to explain your mother-in-law / mother-in-law that you are adults and independent people, that your family is YOUR family, and it is you who are responsible for it, and you know what to do in this or that situation. Of course, you should not refuse parental assistance if you really need it. Limit the communication of their children with their parents is also not worth it - this will aggravate the situation, a new conflict will appear, and much more serious. And remember, if you decide to declare your own independence, then for each of your actions you are now responsible for yourself.
Sisters and brothers spouses
We may not even suspect that our younger brothers or sisters may become destroyers of our marriage. It would seem that ordinary custody of them will not bring any harm. But when these family relationships become a burden, measures should be taken, otherwise ideal family relationships will burst like a soap bubble.
What to do? Come up with a brother / sister occupation that distracts him / her from your relationship. Does he / she constantly ask for money? Help me find a decent and interesting job. Staying up late at your place, preventing you from enjoying each other in private? Present a dog or other animal - now he / she will have something to do in his free time. Another option - give birth to a child, then the problem with an obsessive relative will be solved by itself.
Friends and comrades
Both spouses need rest and relaxation. And friends in this matter are the main assistants. But not always the spouse accepts friends of their half. Husband's too frank or eccentric girlfriends do not suit husbands, and husbands are too rude or too cheeky friends of the wife. Often, friends and comrades take up a lot of time from couples: either the wife and girlfriend disappear in cafes or shops, or the husband leaves for hunting or fishing for the whole weekend. But ideally, the couple should spend their free time together in order to maintain that invisible connection that once reunited them.
Of course, spouses need to rest even from each other. But this should not be done as often as it usually happens. Nevertheless, family, children and a loved one should remain a priority.
Hobbies and hobbies
Today, many men (and some women too) are addicted to computer games. Sometimes such a hobby turns into a real gaming addiction. Such a person is not interested in anything else: neither family, nor work, nor communication in reality. The virtual world is everything for him: his wife, children, and parents.
If a dependent person cannot overcome his passion for games or other activities, to which he relates with great fanaticism, marriage to him is doomed to failure. What can be done? The very first thing - talk to him honestly, looking in the eye, without reproaches, screams, insults. Make it clear that he is dear to you, as is his relationship with him. Help overcome this addiction, because fighting together is easier than coping with problems alone. Give a chance, and you will be able to maintain happiness in your family, even if it will be very difficult.
If the passion has disappeared ...
Spouse relationships are influenced by many factors. And if before the touch of the second half caused delight, a storm of emotions, and now you feel only irritation, then we can say that passion has left your relationship. Can I get her back? Psychologists are sure that it is possible. But why does passion leave a relationship? There are several reasons for this:
- Lack of romance. Often spouses become boring, forget to pamper each other with gifts, make surprises, and prefer to watch TV or sit at the computer for a fun holiday or a walk in the park.
- The accumulation of grievances and claims against each other. Often in a fit of anger, spouses tell each other nasty things that are difficult to forget about. Isn't it better to resolve conflicts in calm tones, reaching a common consensus that will satisfy both?
- Banal habit. When the sense of novelty disappears, relationships become mundane, boring. Unnoticed, the couple begin to annoy each other, and soon to hate. Correcting this situation is almost impossible.
In order not to destroy family relationships completely, you should adhere to certain rules that psychologists advise. But be prepared for the fact that you will need a lot of effort and patience.
- Good sex is the guarantee of a happy family life. Monotony in sex, reducing the time for making love, haste or repetition kill passion and love. If you do not change anything, very soon the partners will lose interest in each other. You can correct the situation by introducing something new, unusual in lovemaking. For example, do “it” in an aromatic bath by candlelight, turn on pleasant music and put on erotic lingerie, meet your husband from work in a seductive peignoir, watch a movie “for adults”, try role-playing games - show your imagination, and new unforgettable feelings are guaranteed.
- Down with boring leisure time! Break away from your favorite TVs, books and computers! Play a board game, take a walk around the park and the river with the whole family, go camping with an overnight stay on the weekend, rent a house in the village for a week and go fishing together. This is all romance, which is able to revive the feelings of spouses, bring them closer, give new sensations.
Using these tips in combination, you can achieve harmony, brightness and reciprocity in your relationship with your partner.
Secrets of a happy family life
Even despite the sad statistics of divorces, you can save your own family, but you will need to make a lot of effort. The main thing is to follow the advice of psychologists, and then you have a long happy family life.
- Be emotionally responsive and accessible. Always respond to the requests of your partner, do not blame, do not close, do not make fun of. Be an assistant, like-minded person, support, adviser. Emotional responsiveness and accessibility in a married couple should be mutual.
- Accept the differences of the partner and see him real. Many people associate love with likeness. There is a feeling that partners think the same way, feel the same thing, say similar things, but it creates only the illusion of unity, closeness and security. In such relationships, any disagreement or dissimilarity is perceived painfully. Partners must accept and respect any distinction for granted. Consider these differences, and learn to accept a person as he is. Only then will there be harmony in the relationship.
- Know how to collaborate and come to an agreement. Help each other, respond to requests positively, discuss future plans together, and seek compromises. If controversial issues arise, do not be afraid to discuss them and express your own opinion - this will help eventually come to a common decision. And if you agree on something, be sure to follow these agreements.
- Do not interfere, but promote the self-development of your partner. Interaction is the success of a marriage. Happy spouses are those partners who, through joint efforts, were able to achieve certain successes, which would not have been possible to achieve alone.
- Treat many things lightly and with humor. Life is short, and you should not spend it on quarrels, absurd clarifications of relations, omissions, silly accusations. If any minor embarrassment has occurred - translate everything as a joke, laugh, get distracted. After all, pleasant emotions and laughter quickly discharge the situation, destroy the negative, set up for a positive wave.
- Properly organize life. Household duties can be divided into all family members, and how you already do this is your business. The main thing is that in the future everyone is responsible for their own zone, without transferring their duties to another. Of course, it is possible, and even necessary, to help a loved one, but do not consider your merits to everyone, take this as a voluntary contribution to family coziness and comfort.
Happy family relationships are always painstaking and hard work. Someone has the patience to bear all the failures and cope with all the problems for the sake of the beloved and the only person with whom he once promised before God to remain in love and joy, grief and failures ... But someone is weak in spirit, and after a couple of years family life escapes from trifling problems. To each his own. But with a great desire, you can always save the union, if it is really expensive. And how to do this is described in the article.
What is love
I have always loved and love order and consistency. Of course, I don’t keep order everywhere, I can scatter things, scatter tools and so on, my wife is not happy about this and, of course, curses about it.
But we will not begin with this. What in general is the foundation of the family, or rather, what is the reason for creating a family? Many will answer - Love, especially girls. Yes, of course, no doubt. But looking at his acquaintances, those around him, the youth came to the conclusion that some are just afraid of love.
More precisely, not love as such, but they are afraid that love will not be real, then they will find themselves in a difficult situation and will be tormented all their lives, as happened with my wife. But everything turned out to be fixable. So what is love?
Many philosophers will give many answers, but no one will say exactly what it is. Each will describe and tell in his own way, many in general spend their whole lives studying this issue. Well, I won’t even try to find out.
The fact is that everyone and everyone will understand what it is, just when you truly love, then you will be attracted to that person not only when it's good, but when it's bad, at least for you, at least for both. This is really hard to explain.
philosopher Omar Khayyam
Especially since love exists not only between a man and a woman. The strongest love, at least for me, to my mother. And sometimes love for one’s family, sister or brother, children, mom or dad and so on, can be the same - real, true. Or maybe it's worth looking at just this love, studying it and understanding what Love is?
Love is a strange thing to me. Sometimes when my wife just infuriates me - she even becomes sexier, all the anger and hatred becomes an empty place.
But there is no need to be afraid that you will love the wrong person. Time will actually show what and how. Но и главная составляющая того, что Вы любите — это сознание того, что вы хотите семью, детей. То есть не просто быть рядом с этим человеком, любоваться его и ее красотой, отдыхать и так далее, а именно желание создать семью, с детьми, с проблемами, с родственниками и так далее.
И если вы еще не чувствуете что хотите на всю жизнь связать себя с любящим человеком, быть одним целым и воспитывать детей вместе, то дальше даже смысла читать вам нету. Simply, I will continue to describe those things that will help to look at the already created family from the side and see what can be corrected or added to yours, for example. Or, when creating a family, you’ll just understand what you don’t need to do.
If you are not happy at all right now, consider whether there is love between you. Whether you love and love you. And based on this, think about whether it is worth changing something or just starting all over again. Do you have time and energy for this? I’ll add from myself - do not give up, if you see at least one small gap - try and everything will work out. It took several years in my family.
In past issues, we described simple little things that do not need to be done in the family, you can read here.
The foundation of a happy family
To get started, figure out what means a happy family. What is it for you and for your companion. You must also clearly understand that the vision of a happy family is different for you and your companion. Therefore, communication can only reveal what brings you together.
Only during good communication will you both understand what a happy family is for you, what you both want from life, from family, from each other. This is important and perhaps with this you need to start building a happy family. Set goals for yourself and your companion (companion) and go to this goal. Even in small steps, but you will come to her, the main thing is not to give up and respect each other.
drawing of a happy family
As a man, I can describe a lot here what a woman should do. But stop, it turns out men should not do anything? Here are some people who say that I’m making money, my head is full of work, but I want to go fishing or take a car, or I need to make repairs .... So what - I will say. And you guys did not think what your wife is doing?
Take even cooking, cleaning, pay attention to her husband, take care of herself, raise children and still have time to work in the same way and many more little things. Titanic labor, in my opinion.
In order to build a happy family, both family and husband need to work on family relationships.
Who is the head in this house? Who has the last word? I’m also from those times when such questions radically the answer was one - man. Yes, this is right in my opinion, the man is stronger and his family should be behind him.
But the man himself must be a man. He must stand by the mountain for the family, for the wife, for the children. He must be not only physically selenium, but also smart. This is not enough for modern men, not all of course. In order for the husband to have the last word, he must clearly understand what kind of problem. And as accurately and correctly as possible to understand everything. In order not to harm the family.
Recently, I often see that some young guys simply do not understand that in the future a family should be behind them. Now they are only for themselves, and the rest does not matter, to say the least. Of course, a lack of education, many will say. But what about the parents themselves?
Yes, you do not need to rely on the state, teachers or anyone else all the time! Parents should convey to the child what is important in their future life, what the school and teachers will never give. But this is a separate issue, something carried me away. But I think the meaning conveyed.
And now, in my opinion, what needs to be done first of all in order to get a happy family:
- Explore your partner and let him study you. It is precisely necessary that both spouses recognize each other very closely.
- Learn the logic of thinking both men and women. The Lord not only made us different by gender, but our thinking is different. And this must be understood. You can find out about women here, but about men here.
- To change something there must be a desire, motivation. Motivate yourself and loved ones.
- Trust each otherThis is again a happy family.
- Respect each other children. Respect what your loved ones do and what your loved ones do.
- Communicate with each other. And not just superficially, discussing pressing matters, but also deeply communicate. This will help to know each other better and you will understand each other.
- Rejoice at each other and the children. Spend more time together, travel, play, watch TV and so on. Ride at least once a year together on vacation, anywhere. Grandmother in the village does not count.
- Have a good family tradition. It brings together.
- Do not throw problems on each other. If there is a problem in the family, both are always to blame.
- Raise children together. Children take an example from you.
- Nourish your relationship with gifts, surprises. It is also necessary to please children.
- In all matters there must be justice. You need to know a sense of proportion.
Remember! The family is a single whole, you are together, which means that your joy and sorrow are common. So you need to do more joy.
And a little more parting words
One day, I heard one parable, or whatever it is called, well, in general, a story that greatly encouraged me and made me move. In a nutshell: There was once a wise man. He was the wisest and all people went to him for advice. From this he was happy and proud.
But one day he found out that there is another wise man, also very wise, and people began to go to him too. The first sage thought for a long time what to do so that people would only go to him, how to show that the second sage was not so wise.
And he came up with. I’ll take it, says the first sage, and I will catch a butterfly, cover it with my palms so that it is not visible. I will come and ask the second wise man what is in my hands. He will answer that the butterfly, I will ask dead or alive. If she says alive, then put a little pressure on her palms, she will die. If she says that she’s dead, I’ll just open my palms and she will fly.
Then it turns out that the sage is wrong and people will stop trusting him. Well, here comes the first sage to the second, in his hands is a butterfly. He asks the first from the second, what is in the hands - the second says that the butterfly. To the second question - is she alive, the second sage thought and answered: Everything is in your hands.
So dear reader: Everything is in your hands. As you like, it will be so, the main thing is to go to your goal. If you want a happy family, be happy yourself and infect the happiness of all your loved ones. There are many difficulties and obstacles on the way, but everything will work out, because everything is in your hands.
There is no clear plan for what needs to be done to have a happy family. In fact, what we wrote above is just what you need to pay attention to. All people are different. Something comes with experience. But there is no need to be afraid, you need to act, as you see fit, so do it.
That's all for now, write your comments, ask questions, good luck and be happy.